The 'Let Them' theory

The 'Let Them' theory

The “Let Them” Theory — A Mindset Shift

I was recently chatting with my twin brother, who shared some information about Mel Robbins’ viral “Let Them” theory. If you haven’t come across it yet, I wanted to summarise it here — without overthinking it, the idea really resonated with me.

The Let Them Theory is a simple yet powerful mindset tool that reminds us we can’t control other people’s actions, feelings, thoughts, or choices. What we can control, however, is our own energy, reactions and boundaries. It’s about letting go of the urge to manage or change others and in doing so, freeing ourselves from the frustration and stress that come from trying to control the uncontrollable.

By simply saying “let them”, we allow others to be who they are — and from that place of acceptance, we can choose our next steps with more peace and clarity.

While the Let Them Theory is considered more of a “pop psychology” concept, it draws from several well-established, evidence-based frameworks. According to Clinical Psychologist and former Australian Psychological Society president Dr. Sara Quinn, the theory aligns with key themes from both Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) — which encourages mindfulness and non-judgmental acceptance of the present moment — and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which focuses on embracing thoughts and emotions rather than fighting to control them.

Ultimately, the Let Them mindset invites us to step back, detach from the need to fix or manage others, and focus instead on our own emotional energy.

Some real life examples of using the theory:

• Allowing your child to experience the natural consequences of forgetting their lunch, just Let Them
• Allowing others to go to a party which you were not invited to, Let Them
• Let people judge you
• Let people not approve of your decisions and life choices
• Let people think you are too sensitive, they can think what they want

This theory or mindset, in addition to other more formal therapies such as ACT, CBT or DBT can be beneficial for treating issues such as anxiety disorders, relationship issues, social difficulties, jealousy, anger management, and other disorders and issues. 

If you are a parent interested in exploring how to apply these ideas — or in helping your child or teen develop more flexible, resilient thinking — please don’t hesitate to get in touch. We’d love to support you.

www.child-psychologist.com.au